Self-care vs. Self-centeredness
When is self-care truly deserved?
Ever since public stigma was largely lifted from the field of mental health, our culture has been inundated with a plethora of everyday therapy terms. “Self-care” may be up there with the most egregious culprits in terms of its overuse. And like many overused terms, the original meaning has devolved into a sort of shell of its former self.
If we trace the phrase back to its inception, “self-care” was initially referenced more as a back-up strategy in rough circumstances. For instance, it was originally reserved for the sleep-deprived mother of a newborn. For the straight-A student unable to have fun because they’d spend every waking minute studying. For the chronically ill forced into employment just to make ends meat. For the battered wife stuck in domestic abuse.
In other words, self-care was meant to be earned.
Cut to today. It now seems that every person you meet is treating themselves to some self-care. And for some people (not all, but some) they have perhaps taken the notion a bit too far. Affording themselves that regular liquor store pit-stop. Taking a trip to the Bahamas via credit card. Or getting stoned in the evenings instead of spending time with the kids. When asked why they so freely allow themselves a good time, you’ll be met with a blank stare. You have no right to judge them, they’ll scoff indignantly.
Not to sound harsh but uh... Yes... Yes, we kinda do though. Not in a rude kind of way, but in a way that helps to point out when self-care has been taken too far. When self-care has become only about the self, and no longer about nurturing yourself alongside others.
We’ve all done it. Found an excuse to act like we deserve something more than we really do. Repeated enough over time, this leads to a kind of narcissism, an inability to accept feedback, oftentimes addictions, and a social circle that has been built to enable unhelpful habits.
We do ourselves and others a disservice by nodding along with this sentiment. Instead, it’s better to be honest that we’ve sometimes gone overboard with focusing on our own desires. This honesty, in turn, leads to humility, integrity, self-respect, transparent friendships, and an overall refreshing sense of self-control.