Self-care vs. Self-centeredness

We've gone overboard with treating ourselves.

8/10/20261 min read

Many therapy terms are thrown about haphazardly these days. “Self-care” may be the most egregious culprit of all. The term has devolved into vague obscurity, a sentiment almost indistinguishable from self-centeredness.

If we trace the phrase back to its inception, “self-care” used to mean being good to yourself when you usually never were allowed. It was originally reserved for the sleep-deprived mother of a newborn. For the straight-A student unable to have fun because they’d spend every waking minute studying. For the chronically ill forced into employment just in order to survive. For the battered wife stuck in domestic abuse.

In other words, self-care was meant to be earned.

Cut to today. It now seems that every person you meet is working on their self-care. To them, the term probably means affording themselves that extra Starbucks pit-stop. Taking a trip to the Bahamas via credit card. Or getting stoned as they leisurely wind down for bed. When asked why they so freely allow themselves a good time, you’ll be met with a blank stare. You have no right to judge them, they’ll scoff indignantly.

Not to sound harsh but uh... Yes... Yes, we do though.

For what these people are truly describing has nothing to do with self-care and more to do with selfishness.

We’ve all done it. Found an excuse to act like we deserve something more than we really do. On a micro scale, the behavior acts as a relatively harmless white lie. But repeated enough over time, this leads to a kind of narcissism, an inability to accept feedback, oftentimes addictions, and a social circle that has been built to enable unhelpful habits.

We do ourselves and others a disservice by nodding along with this sentiment. It’s better to face the music with the help of some tough love. It’s better to be honest that we’ve typically gone overboard with treating ourselves. This, in turn, leads to humility, integrity, self-respect, transparent friendships, and an overall refreshing sense of self-control.

“People coddle their afflictions the way others spoil pedigreed dogs with cans of pate." -L. Shriver